Can We Meet You at the Airport?
Jonathan and I, after much consideration, are choosing to NOT have a big “welcome home” gathering at the airport. Although we realize that many of you are anxiously waiting to meet Annaliese, we want to be sure to do what is best for her. Often times a big gathering of people she does not know (particularly AFTER being on an airplane for 15+ hours with minimal sleep) can be too overwhelming. Everything that she will experience the moment we arrive in the U.S. will be new to her – new sights, new sounds, new foods, new language, etc. – and a crowd of new people can be a bit too much.
We do, however, look forward to that wonderful greeting from daddy at the airport : )
If Not at the Airport, When Can I Meet Her?
Jonathan and I have been doing a lot to prepare ourselves for how to best help Annaliese when we come home. Although each child is different, we must remember that she has experienced much in her young life – more than many of us can even begin to fathom – just from the simple fact that she spent time away from her birth family and in institutional care, making her eligible to be adopted. Although adoption is a beautiful thing – attempting to help mend wounds and create new families – it is always born from brokenness.
We will need to give Annaliese time to learn things that biological children grow up just knowing – what a family is, that mommy & daddy are people she can trust and depend on to meet her needs, and that she is part of this family forever. Therefore, it is imperative that we spend time doing what the adoption world refers to as “cocooning” – where we pretty well seclude ourselves from the outside world for some time when we first arrive home. This is intended to help her learn that home is a “safe place” and mommy & daddy are her primary caregivers.
When we feel that Annaliese is ready, we will let you know it is a good time for a visit – grandparents, aunts, uncles, & cousins with first dibs : ) When the time is right, we will begin to venture out into the real world as a family – church, visiting family, visiting work, etc.
Thank you, ahead of time, for your understanding on this. We assure you that we will let you meet her as soon as we can!!
How Will I Talk with Her?
We have been amazed how well we are able to communicate with her despite the language barrier that exists. Even though she does not currently speak a great deal of English, she is quite fluent in her native language of Tigrian. Feel free to use gestures and other creative methods to communicate with her, but please remember that speaking louder and more slowly will not help : ) She is a bright young girl, and the English will come. Please be patient with her.
What are Practical Ways I Can Help?
Number one, during all of this time of transition for us and for Annaliese, we continue to covet your prayers. Please never feel like that is all you can do – it is tremendously appreciated. We long to be wonderful parents and help Annaliese grow up to be a Godly, healed young woman.
Number two, when we first come home and are trying to “cocoon,” and likely to be exhausted, meals would be a wonderful help. Some of you have already talked about doing this, so please contact us (e-mail, text, FB) to see what/when is needed if interested. That would be a very practical way to help and we would love it!
Finally, we truly just appreciate everyone being respectful of our wishes to not just stop in on a whim. Please do not take this personally – it is what the adoption community (who has been there, done that) recommends.
What to Expect with our Parenting?
Adoptive parenting tends to look much different than parenting biological children. Please do not assume if we do things differently than you did with your children, that Jonathan and I are not good parents! Of course, we have no experience in this arena, but we have been mentored by many professionals & friends who are adoptive parents, as well as read many resources on appropriate approaches that are not necessarily traditional with biological children.
Is There Anything Specific I Should Know about Appropriate Adoption Etiquette?
Again, please remember that although adoption is a beautiful thing, it is born out of brokenness. Although this time of transitioning is very exciting for all of us who have been anticipating her arrival for so long, it is a time of grieving many things for her – including loss of birth family, familiar surroundings, native language, familiar foods, etc. Even though we feel immensely blessed to have her join our family, she may not feel that way right away. Please respect her feelings when she may not act happy to be with us or in the U.S. and refrain from telling her that she is “the luckiest girl in the world,” or other things along that line. Try to put yourself in her shoes and consider how you may feel before condemning her behaviors.
Also, please remember that Annaliese has a story of her own that brought her to this point, and it is private, just as your family history, medical information, etc. is yours to share. Please refrain from asking her (or us) questions about her history. Jonathan and I have decided that it is her story to share with whomever and whenever she wants, but please do not ask her. She will share as she feels led when appropriate.
Thanks to each of you for taking time to read this. If you have any additional questions, please do not hesitate to ask Jonathan or I. We know adoption is new to several of you and we would love to help you learn more : )
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